#42 Free to Breathe 5K

The Free to Breathe 5K raises money for lung cancer research.  As we arrive, the announcer is praising the fundraising efforts of various teams, however one of the top fundraising teams is not in attendance this morning.  The announcer informs the gathered crowd that the individual for whom the team is supporting is at home taking their last breath.

Wow. Okay, that is a sobering thought for 8 AM.

This is a small race.  No race bib.  No timing chip. No crowds of supporters.  A small table at the end of the race with a box of bananas and several cases of water bottles for the runners after the race.  There are still numerous t-shirts and packets left to be picked up.  The colder weather has caused many cancellations. 

It was not a scenic run by any stretch.  The course loops through the industrial park and office buildings off of I-75 in Sharonville.  So we don't have a lot going for this race as we start out...  The weather, which has been unseasonably warm, has turned cold and the wind is blowing.  Not the way I wanted to re-enter the challenge after Maui, but...

I am a whiner.

I am healthy.  I am running /walking in 50 races for entertainment.  I am not struggling with lung cancer, or any cancer or any disease for that matter.  After this race, my biggest concern is where I will have breakfast.

All it takes is a little perspective, to figure out that you are doing okay-dokey.  We manage to finish in good time, under 45 minutes walking fast, if only to keep warm.

And breakfast tasted pretty sweet. 

#41 Maui Tacos 5K

Aloha.

As I write these stories about my adventures, I have this illusions that I am imparting wisdom to my readers.  With that in mind, I give you the "aloha" lesson.  Depending upon the intonation and accompanying hand gestures, Aloha has many different meanings.  It can mean "hello" or "goodbye" or "leave me alone" or "this conversation is over."  On my recent trip to Maui, I encountered this phrase everywhere.

#41 was the Maui Tacos 5k. (Yes, I went to Hawaii for a 5k.) We experienced horrendous traveling conditions. Delayed in Cincinnati.  Delayed in Houston.  Stranded in Los Angeles overnight. No assistance from the airline. (#WeHateUnited). Our bags are God Knows Where...and we are spending the night in El Segundo.  Where exactly is El Segundo?  Never mind, you don't want to know.  

Later we learned that in addition to various weather delays, an airplane engine had misfired on a runway at LAX, shutting down the airport for several hours just before our arrival, and cancelling many flights.  Getting us to Hawaii, was not a priority for them.

Good times.  Lots of fun.

We are exhausted and just want to be there now.  We are afforded the opportunity to purchase a delightful little box of snacks to sustain us.  (Insert sarcasm font here.)

The next day, we spend an extra 3 hours on the runway determining whether one of the engines is working or not.  Finally determine that it is (Good to know that before crossing the ocean.)  We arrive much later than planned. Exhausted. Fetch our bags. Get the car.  Drive to hotel. Check in.  Eat.  Collapse.

Because we lost a day travelling, we wake up the next day for the run.  Didn't matter.  Our body clock hadn't re-set so we are up at 4 AM.  Which is good, because the race doesn't start until 8 AM.  So there is time to kill.  Off to the beach!

The run was hot.  Now, I'm not bitching about the weather.  It was hot even for Hawaii.  The locals said so.  By 8 AM it is already a balmy 93 degrees.   And humid.  (Okay I'm bitching. A little bit.)   The course is several loops around three large hotels which are situated on the beach. (I know, you feel sorry for me.)

We start on the main road, swerve off to a service road, and loop around the first hotel.  Back to the main road, we then turn right and go up a hill.  Let's call the hill Mt. Kilimanjaro. Steep and hot, and the bonus is that I get the run down it on the way back.  On the climb up, I feel dizzy...light-headed.  I am scarfing down water as I go.  Can't seem to get enough.

Did I mention it was hot?

After the hill, I hear a runner behind me praising Jesus and thanking God very loudly and gesturing her arms.  I'm thinking that she is having a "Come-to-Jesus" moment and may be delirious from the heat.  Only after she passes me do I realize she has headphones on and is playing gospel music very loudly.   Alleluia.


I struggled to make it to the finish in under an hour.  It is hotter than hell.  It least I didn't require the services of the medical tent.  IV's strung up on ropes over stretchers.   Participants with cold washcloths on faces.  A Triage Unit.

After the race, we spend the rest of the time sight-seeing and being tourists.  We travel the Road to Hana.   It has 617 turns. 56 bridges.  Scenic waterfalls.  Lush plants.  Amazing views.  Black sand beaches and red sand beaches.  Lava formations.  43 miles of twisting turning roads. Some call it the most scenic road trip of all.  And it was.  I call it 'Hot dogs and Vomit'.   It does have scenic views.  It also has hot dogs and vomit.  Just trying to be clear.  (On a side note, I'm thinking of a career in marketing.  I'll let you know how that works out for me.)











This is by far, the farthest I have traveled for a 5k.  The hotels are filled with people who are competing in the marathon and half marathon, checking another state off their list.  I feel a swell of pride when I mention, "Yeah, I'm here for the 5K." Then they know that I, too, am a serious athlete.  We have to stick together.

Aloha.

#40 Color and Glow 5K Run

I have reached 80%.....

#40 was the Color & Glow Run held at the Montgomery County Fairgrounds in lovely Dayton, OH.  This event is much like the Color Run (#33), but at night.  And the color (which is highlighted with the use of a blacklight) does NOT wash out of your clothes.

So let's review some basics. When you sign up for a run at night, it's going to be dark.  Let's say that again.  Hey, dummy, when you sign up for a night race, you will not be able to see because your night vision sucks.

Okay.  Got it.  The review is complete.

There are 5 stations throughout the race highlighted with black-lights (think 1970's posters) where volunteers spray the runners with liquid colorant.  It's sprayed from pump dispenser cans used to apply weed killer or DDT or used in a delousing event. Do we have a good visual ?  All of a sudden, I am not looking forward to this.

The entire course is marked by small orange plastic cones. As we arrive and check in, they are everywhere.  And nothing is lit up.  So as it gets darker, we are wondering "how do you see the course?"  And the answer is: You don't.  Oh, okay ...cool.


As we start the race, we meander back and forth, over and under, to and fro until I see the blacklights up ahead and searched for the volunteer sprayers......I didn't know what to expect until I got a blast of it in my face.  

Awesome.  And yes, that stuff got in my mouth.

Our route takes us in circles around the rutted horse track. Back and forth, up and down, zigzagging, on grass, on pavement, following the cones (the ones you can't see in the dark.)  Marauding hordes of people, wearing glow bands, and glow-in-the-dark paint.  The map below is NOT an exaggeration.

After stumbling and shuffling around the course for a bit, we cross the finish line into a gallery of blacklights.  Neither of us have our cameras, so we ask someone to take our picture and send to me.  On the way home we realize that it wasn't sent, so a quick stop at Walmart (at 10 PM, covered in glow paint) I purchase a blacklight. (With a wink to the cashier, "going to be a big night, yes sir!").

Things I learned at the Color and Glow run:

1.  I am blind.  Whether there are lights on or not.

2.  I am certain I have killed any bacteria living in my body as a results of accidentally swallowing some of the colorant.

3.  I shouldn't sign waivers for "fun" activities.  It's a red flag.

4.  The Color Runs are simply an excuse to throw paint on other people.  (I could do this at home for free.)

5.  I do not like running in the dark.

Yes, it washed off my skin,  just not the clothes

And the bonus is that I now own a blacklight.  Probably will use it with my gorilla costume.

#39 Tunnels to Towers

"What you do for yourself, goes with you when you die.  What you do for others, remains as your legacy."

These were the opening words of the #39 5K held at Spring Grove Cemetery.  Sponsored by the Steven Siller Foundation, this 5K honored the 343 firefighters and first responders who were killed in New York City on September 11, 2001 at the World Trade Center buildings. One of the many projects the Foundation supports is funding "Smart Homes" with adaptive technology for firefighters who suffer a catastrophic injury. 

Steve Siller was off duty and heading out to play golf with his three brothers when the call came in.  The World Trade Center had been hit.  He, and his fellow firefighters, rushed into the fray of the burning buildings.  Everyone else is rushing out.  He died when the towers collapsed, leaving a wife, five children, a large extended family and a brotherhood of fellow firefighters. 

One of the race participants, Geniene, told me that the last piece of the race was difficult.  She was right.

The final quarter mile of the race route has posters with pictures of each individual firefighter who lost their life on that day, including Steven Siller.    I was struck by how young they were.  And how many.  It went on and on.  Average age of NYC firefighter killed on September 11th was just under 40 years old.  Towards the end of the line were two additional posters with pictures of the two local Colerain Township firefighters who lost their lives in a house fire in 2008.

I have been to several races at Spring Grove, but none as moving as this one.  I, like everyone else, remember where I was when I heard the news of the terrorist attacks and the aftermath of the following days, weeks and months as crews cleared the debris from the wreckage sites.  I remember the numbness.  And the patriotism.  It felt good to participate in an event that honors individuals who put their lives on the line on a daily basis.

Full gear weighs an additional 30 pounds

Many of the participants ran in full gear, as a tribute to their fallen colleagues.  The day wasn't unbearably hot and I was determined to keep the fireman running just ahead of me within my sight.  He was running in full gear and tank on his back. And he still managed to beat me.  As Jo, so graciously pointed out, he was no spring chicken. It was demoralizing.  
Hey, I'm ahead of everyone on the couch.  And those people pushing the stroller...  and those little kids over there.  And the elderly couple who turned back and didn't finish.  I beat them too.

#38 Mercy Metric 5K

We are closing in on the finish.  Just like Jane Fonda, we are starting to feel the burn.   #38 was the Mercy Metric 5K.  Held on Labor Day, it benefited the after school programs at Mercy Montessori School.

It was a small race...only 110 participants in the 5k.  The route was a simple out and back...starting and ending at the Lunken Airport Playfield.  During my last race, (with the princesses) I had shin splints.  That means every time I run, my shins hurt like nothing else.  When I stride forward, my legs are screaming "Bitch, don't do that.  You gonna regret that, uh-huh"

Rocky's translation of my predicament is "Lucy is a wimp."  So with that in mind, Rocky has generously offered to run with me, because clearly I am doing something horribly wrong.  (Oh, be still my heart.  A "real" runner is going to offer her expertise.  Oh, the rapture.)  My translation of this turn of events: "This will suck...a lot."  Before that race, I purchased compression sleeves for my shins to ease to pain.  (They didn't help, but more on that later.) 

Between the pain in my legs and Rocky's never ending commentary on my bad running form: 
        
         Why do you swing your arms?  You are wasting energy. 
        Why are you going so fast?   You don't have to go so fast. 
        We don't care about the other runners.  Why do you step like
         that?  Why do you land so hard on each step? You must act
         like a cat and step lightly.   Why do you breathe that way? 

Seriously?  You are going to start bitching about how I breathe?  Who are you ?  My kids?  It is astounding to me that I have managed to make it through the challenge thus far with out her interference assistance.

Then she ramps it up.....just a bit.

In addition to her incessant sniping over my running form, she begins to suggest any male within ten yards as a potential date.  Now, luckily there aren't that many males in the race, however, this added torture makes me think "I am in Hell."  I am cursing myself silently and I should have brought my iPod.

Towards the end of the race, it begins to rain.  It is so muggy out that this is a welcomed relief.  Not only does it relieve the heat, Rocky runs faster to get out of the rain.  I manage to finish the race with a decent time, but still in pain.  (Insert Rocky's deep concern here.)

Jo finished well before me and lo, and behold, won some bling.  She placed first in her division.  I have created a monster.   

Like I have said before, this challenge has offered me the opportunity to meet people that I would never have otherwise crossed paths.   However, since I just met them, I don't want to name them in this blog as they may not be familiar with my...how shall I put it? My sense of humor.  Yes, that's it.

Okay, that being said.  We went out to breakfast afterward with a new-found friend whom I will call "Stripper Girl." (Hey, no judgement.  All God's children.  It's okay.)   She shared with us the proofs from a recent photo shoot in which she explained the use of various ......accessories. It was a learning experience (and I am all about education) ..and accessories are so important to making a statement.  She was a blast.  And managed to keep up with our witty repartee.

#38 is done.  I am starting to think I may miss this when it's all over.....

#37 Lady Tutu 5K

Let's start out with the notion that I hate this idea.  Really, I do.  I don't want to dress up like a princess.  Don't want my daughter to dress like a princess.  Don't want to pass on the idea that girls (anyone...for that matter) should wait around in "rescue pose"...waiting on somebody or something to save them. I hate that the "Princess" idea pervades our society so much that girls choose beauty over brains or work.  

I would much rather teach my daughter that she is in charge of her destiny.  She has to do the hard work, learn the rules, put in the time and she can be successful (and beautiful, and talented, and powerful beyond measure) at whatever she does.

Magic fairy dust and a sparkly wand...do not a princess make.

That being said, the Lady Tutu 5k is marketed as a:             "womens-only event created to be a fun, memorable and personally rewarding for you - the Lady." (I did not write that...that came from their website and brochure....I cannot make this shit up.)  This sentence does not explain why these guys were there.  

                            
     

Whatever.  Moving on...The proceeds from the race benefit the "Make-A-Wish Foundation", so there is a silver lining. Had to look hard to find it.

Before the 5k, there is a Little Princess Dash (about 100 yards) for the 3-5 year old crowd and another slightly longer distance for the 6-8 year old group.  Then the 5k starts. 

It is 8:30 AM and already 95 degrees.  It is sticky and hot and generally unpleasant.  The route starts downtown on Pete Rose Way, winds around the football stadium and back, ending near Sawyer Point Park.  Some of the distance is actually in the shade, so I figure it won't be so bad.

However, I failed to take into account the "princesses."

Young girls ...dressed in fairy princess costumes ...complete with tiara, fairy wands, hair bows and glitter face paint.... whining to their moms... 

         "this is hard.  I'm hot.  You didn't tell me that I would
          have to run!  My skirt itches.  I don't want to wear this
          anymore!  I want to go back." 

Crying girls with their hair in a complicated up-do.  Glitter make-up streaking down their faces as sweat runs off their forehead.  They have clearly have been sold a bill of goods that didn't match up with the brochure or the hype.

The "best" one was the young lady about 11 years old.  She had a fancy up-do hair twist.  Glittery make-up streaming down her face, as she explained through her tears to her mom with racking sobs "You just don't understand!"  She was hot.  And tired. And clearly wanted to be anywhere else but on the Riverfront doing a 5K.  Her mother, was stoic... stayed by her daughter's side, continuing to walk and not saying a word.

I felt her pain.  The mom.  Not the daughter.  I, too, have been on that train.  

Have you ever tried to run in a fairy princess costume?  No, me neither.

However, I would consider this one:

#37 is done.   

#36 Surf & Turf 5k

Many of these races are organized to raise funds for a charity.  Neglected kids, disabled veterans, a disease, a disability or a community social concern.  This particular 5K (#36) is going to benefit my stomach and nothing else.

The 27th Annual Inland Seafood Festival is held in Newport, KY in the middle of August. Restaurants from around the region gather to ply their wares and entice you with all manner of seafood. Fried in oil, grilled, fried in peanut oil, and more fried in "god knows what" are the options. Right next to the Ohio River. Picture it if you will.

Wait, it gets better. Now imagine the smell.

The festival organizers have inaugurated a run to further the reach of the festival and garner a new audience.  It was pretty clear that someone, stood up a a meeting a said "hey why don't offer a 5k?  That'll bring in new people."  And everyone nodded and that was it.  Nobody planned for a route. (Hell, that can be done that day, right?)  I think the water station was an after thought as well.  The route ran across the Purple People Bridge and back, then across the top of Newport on the Levee, down the ramp to the street level, in front of the Aquarium, then it winds its way through an abandoned field and back out.  The kicker, (and I'm always looking for the kicker) is that the finish line is just beyond the festival booths.  Yes, you have to run through the food booths in order to get to the end.  About half a mile of booths like this:

As we approach the finish line...the stench is overwhelming. It was bad, terrible, horrendous, fetid, fowl, nasty, gross. And you are supposed to eat in that stench?  Not a chance.

A cross between raw sewage and rotting fish.  Yum, pass the tartar sauce.  The tartar sauce that has been sitting in the sun for days.  Yes, that one.

For most of the race I am joined by a woman who is completing her first 5k.  She has headphone on and is talking loudly and commenting on other runners...assuming that everyone else has headphones on as well. Only after loudly remarking that the cop over there is really fat does she realize that everyone can hear her.

Oops.

At the start of the race, I was exhausted.  Not tired... bone weary exhausted.  And sore.  Muscles I didn't even know I had were sore.  I am attempting to run but walking is winning out.

Until the old man catches up with me.  Then I run....and stop. Then he catches up again.  And I run.  This goes on for a good mile.  Finally after entering the last phase of the race, I run faster to escape the smell of the booths and the river.  I finish and collapse.  Yes!...on to breakfast.  We agree to return later to pick up our "free" lobsters after the festival officially opens for the day.

And the last kicker?

No lobster for you!!